When my mind first thought about Master, I baulked. Oh no, and no again. I knew it would be a story people would either love or hate. In fact I wrote the first part and stopped. It was too emotional for me to go on.
Then I pulled up my big girl panties and reread what I'd written, played around and typed. And typed… and couldn't stop until I wrote 'the end'.
Then I cried.
Because underneath it all, this is a book about emotions and acceptance. And what you're prepared to do for the one you love.
One of the hardest things in a relationship is working out what you both want. What you both need, and what you'd like but can do without. It makes it even harder when you for some reason don't communicate these things to you partner. After all none of us are mind readers. (Well okay not none, but the majority)
I wondered what would happen if you couldn't be what your partner wanted, but were scared to say so, so you ran. Only to meet up by accident years later, and find the attraction between you is still there. But of course so are the problems.
Do you find the strength to now talk about things?
I need to say here, that this all came about because of a very old friend, who had things she should have discussed with her partner, but didn't. She was worried it would have caused a major upset in the family. So she kept quiet, got more and more miserable and in the end, they had a major row and split up. Not over her initial worries, although they were the cause. She said she just daren't talk about them.
My mind works in a mysterious way, seriously sometimes I do wonder about it, and it's my mind!
Therefore I decided to see if and how you could be open and honest enough and communicate after lots of years, and find out if that spark of awareness could become a rip roaring fire once more.
Though my characters told me it had to be over BDSM.
As I wrote the book, I must admit, it made me think as well. I'm as guilty as the next person for trying to keep the peace, and not saying exactly what I feel. I think most of us act that way at some point.
It's not only saying what you aren't sure about, it's saying what you like and what you might like.
This book made me pull up my panties in more than one way, and admit to my lovely DH things I do like, things I don't things I'm not sure about and yeah things I'd like to try. (Still not made love on a beach at midnight—it’s the thought of the sand…gets everywhere!)
Then I thought even further back. I've been married before and Husband number one and I divorced. Why? We fell out of love but why? I could say we grew apart, which we did, but also we didn't communicate. I hated the way his mum expected me to act in the same way as she did. She even cleaned his football boots for heaven's sake. But he idolized her, so I didn't say.
He hated the way I was so close to my parents, but didn't say. This only came out after we'd divorced. Would it have kept us together? Who knows but it would at least have been honest.
And yes, okay I'm skirting round the basis of this book. BDSM and what you need, want or hate. Let's just bring that down a notch and just say…sex in a relationship.
How many of us are sure enough of ourselves to say…I want to try being blindfold/tied up/me on top, or even, giving oral, and wonder if the other half will go 'pervert' or 'that's not enough' or hopefully 'hell yes'?
How many of us can be open or honest enough to say, I don't like any of the above… or well anything really. So often we don't admit to things just to keep the peace, or keep the relationship. Thereby short changing both parties.
In Master, Caden and Anna, are both at fault, for not communicating. And although they both try to give and take, ultimately, is it enough?
Well you'll need to read it…
But as I said, I suspect you'll love it or hate it, there's no half measures it seems…
Caden McCourt didn't expect to find his estranged wife Diana at a BDSM club. When he does, the renowned Master is determined to claim back his errant wife.
When Diana left him fifteen years prior, she lost a part of herself. Seeing Cade again throws her into a tail spin.
She's changed her name, can't be the sub he needs, and can't walk away either. When she's challenged by Cade to face her demons, her old nightmares resurface. Can they overcome the chasm between them, or are the nightmares simply too strong?
A wee tease…
She stopped speaking again. Bloody hell, we'll be here for a week come Tuesday if she doesn't get a move on. Cade held his tongue. He'd wait for a while.
"Um, okay, I've done a lot of thinking. And I know now, that it wasn't everything we did that I hated. In fact, quite a lot made me more than hot and bothered." She giggled, and Cade saw the younger woman she'd been, before she sobered suddenly. "And a lot made me feel sick. It's sorting out which is which that's difficult. Will you help me?"
She stared at him, and his body tensed as if he was waiting for a blow. That was stupid. It was Di … no, Anna, for goodness sake.
"Anna, love, I'd be proud to. Tell me what you need, what you want, and how I can serve."
His choice of words made her giggle—or something did. Yeah, that'll be the day. "Okay, I need to try to see what I can do. No worse than that. Oh hell, Cade, I need to see what would satisfy you. Therefore." She took a deep breath, and Cade watched as perspiration dotted her brow. "Um, I want … will you do things?"
How the hell could he answer that? "What sort of things, love?"
Anna nibbled her nail. Cade forced himself not to grab her hands and demand she stop. This had to be her show.
"Well." She tucked her head to one side, something he remembered her doing when she was deep in thought. "Will you handcuff me and make me come?" she asked in a hurry, her words tumbling over each other. "I bloody loved that."
He waited to see if she would say anything else. She didn't, so it was all up to him.
"If I do that for you, what else?"
She stared at him like a rabbit caught in a trap. "How do you mean?"
"If I handcuff you, how do you want me to make you come?"
It was obvious she hadn’t thought that far. Anna stared at him and licked her lips. "I don't understand. I mean you'll make me come."
Cade closed his eyes so she wouldn't see his frustration. "Oh I understand that. But in what way? Tied? Over a bench, blindfolded? Making you fuck yourself? You need to be more explicit, Anna. I don't know at which point the 'I loved it' became the 'I hated it'. If I'm to help you here, I need a little bit of direction."
Anna looked startled. "But you're the Dom. Don't you tell me?"
"If I do, love, we might not get any further. What I want could perhaps be three steps too far. So you tell me. Do I shackle your handcuffs? What do you want?" He paused took out a bottle of water from his desk drawer and had a swig of water. "This time, let's assume there's no Dom and no sub and only a beautiful lady asking her man to play." Would she go for that?
Anna wandered around the room, not really looking at anything, but he could sense her mind whirling. Then she stopped dead, swiveled, and walked to stand in front of him.
"If I cry ‘red’?" she demanded. "What then?"
"Then we stop. I'm past trying to persuade you. What I want here is secondary, I reckon. You know what I want. We need to work out what I need." Who the hell knew if that chasm could be breached? It seemed as unlikely as snow in the Sahara. Cade stopped talking. "It's up to you, love. We need to see what you want to give as well. I'm happy to follow your lead for now. But we both know, for me to meekly sit back and watch as you destroy anything we might have is so not going to happen. I want to fill you, bind you to me with more than physical ties, and hear you cry out for me. Can you cope with that?"
He watched her go through the colors of the rainbow on her skin, and swallowed. Hell’s bells, she does that a lot, and it sends my body to high alert. Promises, promises.
"Can you, love?" He pressed her for an answer, because he had to know. His skin was so tight that he thought if she touched it she'd bounce.
God almighty, even the air held its breath. It was getting to be a habit.
Slowly, Anna nodded. "I need to try. Hell, Cade, I love you, and I want you. Whether that's enough, who knows? But really, honestly, I want to try. So can we?"
His heart swelled, and he wanted to punch the air. Yes!
"I reckon so, love. I reckon so. Now, if I say assume the position, just for me, can you? Will you?"
Ana smiled, the enticing smile of a siren home from the sea. With a graceful movement, she knelt in front of him, put her hands behind her back and dipped her head.
"Oh, I reckon…" The muscles in her neck moved convulsively. "Well, I reckon. Yes, Sir."
Cade thought all his birthdays had come at once. Surely, surely this was a good start. He hardly dared look at Anna in case he saw desperation or negativity on her face.
Come on, act the part. Look and help her, that's your remit. You're a bloody Master, for goodness’ sake, so be one. Cade gave himself a minute to collect his thoughts before he turned to the woman who kneeled in front of him. As he watched, a faint tremor shuddered through her. So she wasn't really comfortable. That little movement made him stiffen his resolve. He would push and prod, and see if they could come up with a compromise.
She is used to sharing her life with the occasional deer, red squirrel, and lost tourist, to say nothing of the scourge of Scotland—the midge.
Her very understanding, and long-suffering DH, is used to his questions unanswered, the dust bunnies greeting him as he walks through the door, and rescuing burned offerings from the Aga. (And passing her a glass of wine as she types furiously.)
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